American Idol: Top 13 Predictions

This year, American Idol went the route of a top 13 instead of the usual top 12, which means we have to hear one more shitty person along the way to crowning the next Kelly Clarkson (or, heaven help us, the next Taylor Hicks). Here's my prediction on how this season will shake down.

13. Michael Sarver

Why #13?
Because the first theme is Michael Jackson and even though he won't be the worst one (that will be...Megan), he probably doesn't have enough support from the fans to make him move on. Plus, they don't have enough girls this year, so they need to cut a guy first.


12. Jasmine Murray

Why #12?
The following week's theme is the Grand Ole Opry. So...country songs. All the fellas should be fine, but the ladies will start to crack. So the weakest one goes home. And the weakest of the ladies is this Rihanna-wannabe.


11. Jorge Nuñez

Why #11?
Because I can't see him lasting that long in this competition. Middle America will probably get tired of him earlier than this, but I don't think he'll leave first. Unless we get a Latin week, I think he's going to struggle with a lot of the themes.


10. Matt Giraud

Why #10?
And I think this will be the one to upset a lot of fans. He probably will be leaving when he goes somewhere in the middle, with decent reviews from the judges, which won't make his fans pounce on the phones. But Megan will trashed somewhere around here, and her fans will save her for one more week.


9. Megan Corkrey

Why #9?
Her voice is contemporary enough, but I don't think many will like it. After Matt gets booted, someone "worse" will get booted to make up for it.


8. Scott MacIntyre

Why #8?
Because the blind guy probably won't win, but I doubt he can make anything higher than this (maybe top 6). The media will, of course, be unhappy.


7. Danny Gokey

Why #7?
Because then the media will really be pissed. Yes, it seems like he's the Chosen One, but like a good friend of mine (hi Rachel) seems to think he's a red herring, and I'm inclined to agree.


6. Alexis Grace

Why #6?
It's either her or Allison, because the top 5 cannot possibly have 3 ladies. And even though she's a stronger singer than Allison, they don't need another white female winner (just like they don't need another while male winner, but more on that later).


5. Adam Lambert

Why #5?
One of the few, I could see win because he's different from what we had in the past. But the gays will only push him so far on the show. Middle America will continue to hear that he's not into the ladies and we know that America is not ready for a Gay Idol.


4. Allison Iraheta

Why #4?
Because she'll be the "weakest" one left and because she's 16. But, the show has never had a Hispanic winner (and really the closest they have gotten to that was Archie). So she's also a possibility for the win.


3. Lil Rounds

Why #3?
The only one that I can guarantee that she won't win. They have Fantasia and Jordin already. Allison has a better shot at winning, but the only reason why I don't have her higher than Lil is because Idol will need to villaify somebody to get the result they want on the finale. Because Anoop will be safe, and it will be Kris vs Lil and people will be pissed that Kris advances and will cockblock his win, with a vote for Anoop.


2. Kris Allen

Why #2?
First off, I do think it's possible for him to win (because he's sorta the opposite of Cookie). He's the one who has surprised us the most in terms of him getting in, with very little attention (which means voters like him). But, because folks will be mad that he advances over Lil, he'll miss the win.


Your next American Idol....Anoop Desai!

Why Will He Win?
Leftover Slumdog Millionaire love? It's actually has to do with a lot of things. Idol needs another non-white winner (think of the lineup so far: Kelly, Ruben, Fantasia, Carrie, Taylor, Jordin, David). They are probably looking for another male winner who can do R&B (although why they couldn't find an Usher type, we'll never know). Because the judges need a Wildcard to win to justfy bring that shit back. And because I have no idea.